i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he fucked my hip out of place.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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