ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
