i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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