There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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