She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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