I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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