just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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