get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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