I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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