just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
