when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
