Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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