Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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