it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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