Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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