Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
