You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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