her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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