Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
