just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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