And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
