My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
