I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
