dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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