I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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