He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
