What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
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