So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Randomize
