I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
