Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
We need to rekindle our bromance
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
