Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
