Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
