mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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