Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
