yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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