He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
