what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
