I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Randomize
