Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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