maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
