I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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