Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
