I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
