I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
