you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
