I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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