You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
