WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
