I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
