I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
